are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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