is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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