Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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