that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
