So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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