my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
