Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
