so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
