Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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