All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
