apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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