saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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