September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
