i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize