She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
