Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
