Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who died my cat blue again?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
