I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize