Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize