Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
