I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
