I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
