I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im holly from the hills drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
