I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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