Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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