Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize