I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
