Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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