I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
