how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
