Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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