dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
