I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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