Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
