I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize