i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
