He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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