Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
