Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
