Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
