so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
