I'm jealous of your bromance
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
