remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
