i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
