And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
