my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
