I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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