So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
