I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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