I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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