thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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