I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
