Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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