I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
