that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
