Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
