theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
