Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
