dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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