my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
love makes seman taste better
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
