You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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