Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
